THE PRESSURES DIVORCED WOMEN FACE: WHY “JUST GO BACK TO WORK” IS NOT HELPFUL!
3 MIN READ
As a full-time mum of two going through a difficult divorce, I'm tired of people asking me whether I plan on going back to work or worse still, suggesting I just do something, anything.
Let me be clear, I'm not asking for sympathy or justifying laziness. If anything, I set myself very high expectations. But like many single mums, I'm already overworked, rarely getting a break and constantly having to be hyper efficient and organised. I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.
As I transition into this new phase in my life, I try to be the best parent I can for my girls, whilst engaging in a messy divorce process. Of course, there are also issues of more limited finances, a controlling and irrational ex and a realisation that I must make time, and thankfully I do, to work on my healing. So honestly, the last thing I need right now is well- meaning advice from someone who hasn't fully grasped my situation.
There is also the obvious challenge that comes with entering the job market after being away for years. At one point, I did consider starting a small business but that wasn't possible; the savings I had needed to go towards expenses I couldn't get out of. I could go on about the myriad of issues that Muslim women specifically face after divorce, but that's for another time.
For the women on the receiving end of these comments, I'm reminded of a post I came across: don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your shoe-laces. For those making these comments, I know you mean well and you're probably right but consider whether the timing is.
A little space goes a long way.
Forever grateful to the wonderful people in my life who always remind me to be kind to myself, and who reassure me that I will find my feet, in my own time.